I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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