man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
