apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
