Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
well you can't waste a boner
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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