So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
