I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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