it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
