i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Fuck appropriateness.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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