if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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