I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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