Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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