3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
