I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
