I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
