Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
