Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
