listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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