she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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