She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
this boner is exhausting
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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