Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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