But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You need a sexual gate keeper
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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