I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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