Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
