I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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