Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
