I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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