I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You should frame my arrest warrant.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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