True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
