Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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