He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
