wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
