You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
