So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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