What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
