Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
