i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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