dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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