I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
