we're chasing vodka with high fives
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
