wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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