but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
