kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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