Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
