i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
