If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
