I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
