Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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