so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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