Whatcha textin bout Willis?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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