I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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