wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
