no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
