Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
