It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
