I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
