Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
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