She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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