He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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