if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
why do cheetos always look like penises
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
