a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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