is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
