I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
