I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
