I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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