hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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