dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
