You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
