OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
