It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
