yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
